Here’s the deal: if you have sex before you’d prefer.. because you want to ‘get something’ (a commitment, some attention, someone to wake up next to), then you are directly raising your chances of ending up with a man who is USING YOU for sex.
Because the Universe LISTENS to you and REFLECTS your behaviors right back to you. Part of being a quality woman, and ending up with the kind of quality man that you REALLY want and deserve, is developing a little self-awareness, actually paying some attention to what’s motivating you and what your REAL INTENTIONS are, and bringing them into line with who you are.
No falseness, manipulation, or ‘faking it’ is required (or permitted) here. being quality will get you quality – there’s just no short-changing yourself in this department.
Here are a few solid tips to help you make sure that you’re not inadvertently sliding into false, ‘needy’, or accidentally-manipulative behavior:
– Don’t be on call for him.
– Don’t drop all your plans for him.
– Don’t sit at home waiting for his text messages or phone-call.
– Don’t ditch your friends for him.
– Don’t be the one he calls ONLY when he wants something.
– Don’t accept a ‘date’ after 10 pm (because by this stage, it’s not a date, it’s a booty-call.)
– Don’t be fooled by the belief that he will change for you.
– Don’t get led on by that little string of hope he keeps dangling in front of you.
If you want people in your life to respect you and genuinely care for you, then you’ve got to set the tone. Men (and everyone else) will only think as well of you as you think of yourself, so stop second-guessing yourself and become your own biggest fan. To get respect, you’ve gotta have it for yourself.
By the way… all these things are only a part of being genuinely attractive to a man, but they’re not “the most” fundamental thing. Now, think deeper than what everyone else is telling you.
What is the single most FUNDAMENTAL thing that a man wants in a sexual partner?
Think about it.
What’s the one thing he HAS to have?
I can tell you straight off that it isn’t personality. There are plenty of lovely, funny, and smart SINGLE women out there. I can also tell you that it isn’t looks. Beautiful women get dumped every day. Confidence is closer, but I still know shy timid girls who are deemed desirable.
So what is it?
Get ready for the answer, because it’s gonna blow your mind…
THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO MAKING MEN WANT YOU IS…
… That she’s a WOMAN.
Men are attracted to Females, plain and simple.
A WOMAN is someone who’s completely different from him in every way.
A WOMAN is someone who has intuition, is in touch with her emotions, and can nurture and support others through life’s ups and downs.
A WOMAN is someone that a man can trust to teach him how to feel, how to love, and how to live life in its most fullest capacity.
See, you don’t have to be a man’s “best friend” to attract him.
(And in fact, forming a ‘friendship’ with a man, in the hopes of getting ‘more than’ down the track, is a plain bad idea and it rarely works. If a guy is attracted to you, he’ll let you know about it. And if he’s NOT attracted to you, then no amount of chumming around and being ‘friends’ is going to CREATE attraction.)
Men cultivate masculine relationships – a.k.a. FRIENDSHIPS – to satisfy COMPLETELY DIFFERENT needs than the ones that they cultivate female relationships for.
He’ll go to a woman when he wants to talk about his hopes and dreams. He’ll go to a woman when he wants to feel loved or nurtured. He will go to a woman when he wants to feel supported. He’ll go to a woman when he wants the soft touch.
A man wants a woman because she’s a WOMAN… not because she’s his “best friend.”
Not because she’s “one of the guys,” able to match him shot for shot, or head a soccer ball better than he can… and not because she resembles him in his interests, passions, and abilities.
Here are some key points you might want to work on in terms of wanting a man to really want you, value you and respect you.. and who knows, be Mr. Right after all.
TIP #1: Avoid getting too set in your ways.
If you want to be the kind of woman that a man desires, then it’s time to shake things up a bit.
The main issue that most women have in this area is, they get too set in what they’re looking for. They know the exact kind of man they want, and they’re not even going to waste any time dating anyone who doesn’t match the picture they’ve got in their heads of Mr. Right.
Challenge yourself. Don’t get too comfortable. Loosen up your ideals a bit and try dating people ‘just to see what happens’, instead of dating to ‘find someone’. There are still things you are being called to learn and grow from. If you believe you have reached the pinnacle of your success, you have nothing left to achieve. The minute your life seems to be just the way you like it, stir things up. Do something that scares you just a little bit. (Go out of your comfort zone! Take risks!)
If you’re afraid of change… or afraid of loss… or afraid of losing a bit of control… then it’s time to face those fears and see them for what they really are.
It’s not a pretty word, and it’s a difficult one to get your head around…
…It’s called INSECURITY.
Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme desire to control things.
The mindset of working to “get” things (and thus, control) becomes entrenched. You work hard to get money, which equals financial security. You work out at the gym to “get” the body you desire, so your self-esteem is cemented and so you feel that you can attract a suitable man.
It’s easy to get into the mindset of “acquiring” things to improve your life.
And most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with that. Working hard to get what you want is a handy mindset to have, when you’re talking about a career or a possession.
But a man is not an acquisition. A man is something that will turn up in your life when you’re able to relax and just chill out – not when you’re hell-bent on controlling your environment, and definitely not when you’re busy excluding all sorts of guys from your life because they ‘don’t match up’.
TIP #2: Set clear boundaries with men.
Ever heard the phrase ‘doormat’?
It’s something that many many women turn themselves into in a vain struggle to become ‘more attractive’ to men. Women who are ‘doormats’ are the ones who give when they don’t actually want to give.
They do things for others (guys) because they want to be more desired, more appreciated, and to create more of a bond.
Hint:this is actually MANIPULATIVE, although most women don’t realize it at the time.
Unfortunately, men can actually tell when your actions are rooted in insecurity or fear… in this case, a fear that you won’t be ‘enough’ unless you act a certain way or give a certain thing.
And, far from being attractive, it’s actually a MASSIVE turn-off… and usually results in poor treatment, less of a bond than before, and significantly decreased respect.
Fortunately, the antidote is simple: SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES.
Learn the art of being straight-up with people (and men, in particular), and recognize that trying to ‘get people’ to like you by acting a certain way is MANIPULATIVE and UNATTRACTIVE… and will directly contradict all other efforts to be truly high-quality and desirable.
A good skill to learn is the art of saying ‘no’ without feeling or creating any awkwardness.
For example, if your date calls you up at 7 pm for an 8.30 pm date, and you would feel inconvenienced by dropping everything to meet him (as you should feel, by the way)…
– A ‘doormat’ would feel the inconvenience and the resentment, but go ahead and meet him anyway, thus poisoning the evening for both people by failing to act on her own feelings. Her date then gets the message that she’s the kind of woman who’s afraid of honesty and directness, and figures that she’ll end up being a liability further down the track.
(In other words, woman who adjusts and follows around the man resulting to not respecting her in the process – not going all out effort to make her feel valued – forgetting the fact that she is a woman to begin with.)
– A quality woman would say, ‘Actually, I’ve got an early start tomorrow, but I’m free later this week. Why don’t we meet up then at a more convenient time?’ … and is thus able to stay true to herself, be honest with her guy, and enjoy a date at a time that suits her.
The message her date gets: ‘My life and my priorities are important to me, but you matter too, so let’s figure out something that suits BOTH of us.’ … and his respect (and desire) for her GROWS.
Once you figure out how to set boundaries, and you actually internalize the fact that the word ‘No’ is going to INCREASE the quality of your life (and your self-respect, your desirability, your energy levels …), you’re going to start seeing a big turn-around in the quality and quantity of your dates, and things will start to happen very quickly.
TIP #3: Come to terms with your past and your future.
This is another aspect of your life where the word ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ plays a HUGE role in your day-to-day life, and your attraction.
‘Baggage’ is something that just about everybody has. However, some women allow the weight of their baggage to actively shape the life that they’re living today, and this translates into nothing but aggravation and decreased quality in the here-and-now. Your past is part of who you are and what you have grown into, and while we are shaped by the events of our past, we are by no means define by them… that is, unless we choose to.
For example, many women feel ’emotionally crippled’ by previous relationships with men, and have reached the point where they feel ‘unable’ or unwilling to ‘try again’ with a new man.
The problem with this is that, once again, your BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you. You are effectively ‘imprisoning yourself’ in the past by forbidding yourself the ability to move on, to forgive what’s happened, and to embrace the possibilities of right now.
You’re CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past will forever have a hold on you, and that you would rather LIVE in the past than move on and live in the NOW.
The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as ‘moving on’.)
To forgive means that you make a conscious decision to STOP giving mental energy to whatever has happened in the past. It’s not about absolving someone else of responsibility – for example, if you feel that someone has wronged you, know that this is not about saying, ‘That’s OK that you did this to me.’
Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the past. Equally, while you’re on the subject of the past, it’s not going to hurt to turn your mental gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE.
If you have no clue where your life is heading, then I suggest that you spend some time figuring it out.
Some women have great ideas for their lives… but they change their minds every few months (or weeks or days).
The result? They never accomplish anything. They lack the initiative to set a plan of action to help them achieve.
Think about it… if you’re an arrow heading for a target, then suddenly change direction to hit another target, you’re going to run out of steam and drop to the ground before you manage to hit ANYTHING.
Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start sticking to your word. Don’t lay awake at night worrying if you made the right decision or whether you’d like something better. Any decision is better than no decision at all!
Credits: To Mirabelle Summers – to the books, I have read so far.. and I guess, my real life experiences and my boyfriend whom I can certify now what works and what does not – for many years of struggle, lol! But thanks.. as I felt I have always became a better person as I learn and grow through life and he has always been a part of it.